Only the Lonely

I recently read a collection of essays on only-childhood. Some authors like their situation, some don't, but all understand that it makes us, well, unique. I was... am... an only child. I don't think I had it very rough. When asked whether I have brothers or sisters, I joke that I'm a spoiled-brat-only-child - and maybe I am. I certainly didn't hurt for attention or playthings. My parents focused their love, time, and resources on me. They always came to my softball games, band concerts, open houses at school. They weren't helicopter parents, hovering around to save me whenever things got rough - as some of the parents I now encounter are wont to do. Of course, things rarely "got rough" for me - I usually made intelligent choices - but they did blanket me with a certain amount of protection. I can't fault them for that, but I was definitely a shy kid(1) as a result. I think I might have inquired of the possibility of a younger sibling once or twice. Honestly, I didn't have much of a desire for one. I was aware of and happy for my unique situation. My parents always gave me some line about how I turned out so well, they decided to stop at perfection with just one. *barf* I don't really know the true reason they never had any other kids, or whether they even tried. I don't feel like I have some fundamental flaw for not having had siblings. Perhaps in some attempt at filling in for such intimate bonds, though, I cultivated close relationships with a select number of friends(2). As a kid, it was the best of both worlds, really - I had (what I presume to be) sibling-like relationships with them, but I could go home (or send them home) at the end of the day.

I like to think I ended up reasonably well-adjusted. There are some times when my idiosyncracies surface, which probably drive my husband nuts. I hate to telephone someone I don't know - and even some that I do know (3). I truly enjoy entertaining friends, but sometimes I would just rather be by myself. At least, I'm good at being by myself. I can entertain myself for weeks - and often prefer to do so (4). Anyhow, I began to outgrow some of my shyness in college, when I had to grow some nerve in order to survive. I don't truly understand the concept of boredom. I'm guilty of living too much in my head, probably because I never had to communicate outwardly with siblings. As an only child in an otherwise adult household, I've always related far more easily to adults. And now that I am one, older adults. I've made easy friends with a handful of people about ten years older than me - it's only very recently (since our move to Florida, mostly) that I began a sizeable collection of friends who are actually younger than I am. I never had younger siblings to babysit, so very young children are completely foreign creatures. I can teach high-schoolers, but nothing younger. I never really had to share my stuff with anyone, and it's not something that I did readily. I was probably a pretty selfish kid, but I like to think I'm outgrowing it. Nowadays, I make a conscious attempt to trim back, and in a lot of cases, I'm generous to a fault now. But, deep down, I still like to call the shots when it comes to when I choose to be generous. I was probably a pretty bossy kid, too - after all, as an only child, it was either my way or... well... my way. But I never learned to stand up to anyone who took my toys, so I tend to be a pushover. An odd contradiction. The paradoxical only child.

I know my leaving the nest was hard on my parents. My parents invested so much of themselves in me that my absence left a noticeable hole in their existence. I don't mean to sound so self-important, but consider how you notice a gap when a friend moves away. Now multiply that by 17290. We had been a triumvirate for so long; when one vertex of the prism inevitably took off on her own, left home, and got married, it almost seemed like a betrayal of our original alliance. Dare I say it, I actually prefer to go back and visit my parents on my own - it just doesn't totally feel right any other way. And I don't think my husband minds. The three of us make quite a force to contend with. (5)

Many people fear loneliness above anything else, but I don't, really. I have deep love my friends and family - it could be argued that they are one in the same - and maybe it's easy to claim freedom from fear when I don't want for companionship. Of course, being alone is very different from loneliness. Sometimes being alone at night in an empty house is irrationally scary, but I'm talking about loneliness. Once my parents are gone, I will have no siblings who truly shared with me my childhood. Now, I don't want to come off all "poor me", because I realize everyone loses their parents. Only children, however, are orphaned in a way that's different from siblinged children. I will single-handedly bear the burden of caring for them and their legacies. This didn't even register before I read essay after essay referring to this. Maybe then I'll truly understand what my parents felt when I left home. Maybe the loss of my parents will completely blindside me, I don't know. We live far away, so they've almost been reduced to an abstraction. Anyhow, at this point, I don't have these fears. Maybe I'll change my mind, I don't know. My history has very few narrators. But enough people know me so deeply now that I'm just not concerned they didn't know me then.

My husband is the oldest of three children, so of all the possible birth orders, he can probably best relate to an only child. But I freely admit I don't understand the dynamics between brothers and sisters. I wonder whether I'll be equipped to moderate and comprehend these relationships and bonds as a mother of multiple children. I've always wanted more than one child (6); my reasons have more to do with wanting both a boy and a girl, not sparing my own child(ren) from the only-childhood I had. I wouldn't mind raising an only child. It's a great life (7). I'd be more concerned that I wouldn't have the opportunity to raise a child of the opposite sex, and that I might be missing out on something. See, selfishness continually rears its head!


(1) I find it absolutely hilarious that people who know me now cannot believe this! I have to put on a good front some days. Besides, "personable" does not always equal "extroverted." The dance of pleasantries in conversing with someone new is a learned, rehearsed, practiced, and exhausting skill for me. Teaching has decidedly expanded my skillset. Sometimes my boldness surprises me; I ask pointed questions of others I never would have considered ten years ago - and I certainly would have hated being asked, myself. Seriously, those of you who met me in the past ten years would be shocked at what I was like twenty years ago.

(2) I realized a few years ago that many of my friends fall into distinct categories. Within categories, they remind me strongly of each other. That would be a good topic for another day. Remind me.

(3) I intensely dislike the telephone. Part of the reason I'm looking forward to ditching our landline is that it currently does not have CallerID, one of my favorite features of our cell phones! I much prefer written (post, e-mail, IM) or in-person communication.

(4) That and I've found that sometimes "compromise" means that nobody in a group really gets to do what they want to do; if I set out on my own, there's a guarantee I'll get to do what I want. Ah, selfish only child!

(5) Sorry for the Midwestern dangling preposition. I don't feel like restructuring my sentence right now.

(6) Though right this second, my desire for children is admittedly very low.

(7) Not like I know any different. But nobody else does, either.

I Love Florida

< /sarcasm >

Item #3981 on the I-Wish-I'd-Been-
Briefed-On-This-Before-We-Moved-
To-Florida list: Pantry Pests.

Those who know me know that I am equal-opportunity when it comes to insectia. I hate them all. Seriously - I don't hate a lot of things, but I possess an all-consuming hatred for bugs. I never so much as set foot near the Entomology Department back in college (1). So, I'm really tired of throwing out flour, red spices, and chocolate. Turns out weevils have a palate for good dark chocolate and red chiles. Which, by the way, are surprisingly tasty together... We've had very few infestation episodes, if you will, and just thinking about the first (and worst) makes me want to barf. I nearly did while cleaning up after it. Anyhow, the spices went into the freezer after I found a jar of paprika filled with bugs *shudder*. And it's going to be a long time before I can stomach Raisin Bran again *mmmph*. I had to throw out some whole wheat flour and a box of chocolate sprinkles this weekend. I mean, it's just vile. Anyhow, I've had our stuff - flours, sugars - in ziploc bags, which just aren't working. Apparently, polyethylene is a staple of the weevil diet (in addition to my flour); they just bore right through.

Foul foul foul foul foul foul.

So I bought these completely-airtight canisters today, and that should be the end of that! I read loads of positive reviews for them on Chowhound and Epinions, but I was in Target this afternoon, where I discovered that the Michael Graves canisters are retread Click Clack containers. They fit entire bags of flour/sugar with room to spare. They're from New Zealand - admittedly part of their appeal. And - bonus! - they're cheaper than cooking.com's price (and shipping) on the originals, and I can drive them home today. Though I'd like to get more for cornmeal and other specialty flours. Maybe once I get my breadmaker back and have more impetus to replace my flours. By the way, I swear I don't work for this company. I'm just putting a lot of hope in them and their air-tight technology!

(1) where, it should be noted, at the university's annual Spring Fest, they would serve up mealworm stir-fry and chocolate-covered grasshoppers and other assorted six-legged "treats". *gag*


In other news, we're considering abandoning our landline to use our cell phones exclusively. The only people who call our house phone are from the phone company, to try to sell us more services we won't use. So, basically, we're paying $30 a month (mostly in taxes and other wonky fees) to give them this privilege. Is there any reason we shouldn't abandon it? It's just so twenty-first century.

Bonus Recipe du Jour

Tonight's dinner!

Burp-Inspired Bacon and Bean Enchilada-Style Burritos

Okay, so the bacon in Australia is a lot more ham-like ("middle rasher bacon" or "back bacon" - think Canadian bacon, but not quite like the stuff you get in the grocery stores here...) than our bacon, but American streaky bacon gives these a nice smoky flavor. As you can see, it's a cheap and easy weeknight meal from the pantry.

1/2 lb. bacon (thick-sliced is best)
2 cans beans (I use one can black beans and one can pinto beans - you use what you like)
1 can/jar/recipe enchilada sauce
1 can tomato sauce
1 small brick sharp cheddar cheese (the sharper, the better, I always say)
6-8 burrito-size flour tortillas

Chop up bacon into thin slices. Add to a large saute pan over medium heat, and render until bacon is browned and slightly crunchy. Drain off fat.

While the bacon is browning, drain and rinse beans. I know, I know, there's fiber and other nutrients going down the sink, but this recipe just doesn't need all that goop. Pour a little bit of enchilada sauce in the bottom of a 9x13 pan - just enough to coat it. Shred your cheese.

Add beans to bacon in pan. Add a small amount of tomato sauce to the bean/bacon mixture - just enough to make it slightly saucy - should be about half a can or so. Add the rest of the can of tomato sauce to the remaining enchilada sauce or use it in another recipe. Remove from heat.

And don't forget, don't forget the Mexican spices. Here's some room for creativity (read: using whatever you have in your spice rack). Just start sprinkling whatever you have. I usually add chili powder, cumin, coriander, adobo seasoning, dried onion, and garlic powder. You can use whatever you like. I don't measure - just use your judgment. 0.5 - 2 teaspoons of everything is reasonable, if you're fanatical about measuring. But it's not baking - you don't have to be.

Add two-thirds of the cheese to the bean-bacon mixture. Stir until it's all melty and gooey.

Scoop out about a half-cup of bean mixture into the center of each tortilla. Roll up, burrito-style, and place in 9x13 pan, lining them up next to each other. Make sure you pour a little enchilada sauce between each tortilla to keep them from sticking together. Pour remaining enchilada sauce over the top of the burritos (it may not cover them completely - that's the way we like it - use more sauce if you're more saucy). Sprinkle remaining cheese over the whole pan. Bake at 350 degF until heated through and cheese has melted.

Serve with tortilla chips, salad/slaw, and frozen passion fruit margaritas.

Still More Miscellany

It appears I've been remiss in my daily postings. So, to catch you up on the past three days...

I'd had a remarkable week, in terms of commerce and customer satisfaction, all which came to a screeching halt. Or a plateau, perhaps. Kitchenaid mixer deal, replacement breadmaker, free chocolate. My heretofore fabulous new pen started skipping on the page - a major irritant - and I called up Levenger to see if there was anything I could do, beyond rinsing it. The CS agent e-mailed me a return label and told me they'll replace it. Score! My camera flash has been hinky for months. I just bought it a year ago (so it's four weeks out of warranty) - I don't often need the fill flash, but it's annoying when I do. Anyhow, I took my camera into the local Nikon repair shop and they tell me that the repair will run $250. What! I can try my luck, sending it in and hoping for warranty grace, but it will likely take 4+ weeks [the reason I never sent it in for repair during the school year...] and there's no guarantee they'll do it for free anyhow. At that rate, I'll just buy a for-real flash and forgo repair. Brian went shopping and came home with a blender. The drive shaft teeth that engage the turning thingy in the jar have nearly sheared off. I don't know what he brought home, but I told him that if he's going to replace it, at least replace it with another Kitchenaid - those things take down ice like nobody's business. Anyhow, a quick search of the internets reveals this is a common problem - particularly for those impatient consumers like us who shake the jar back and forth during blending... So we don't need a new blender, but a $6 part. Not bad.

Ha ha - that Kitchenaid blender link shows the review I wrote 6 years ago when I purchased it! 102 of 106 people have found my review helpful. :)

Let's see, Friday night, I went to our church's Not-Your-Mainstream-Movie Night. Run Lola Run, postponed from May. I'd seen it before, but I really liked it. I got more out of it this time. It's tight filmmaking. And I actually enjoy reading movies, so I don't need much of an excuse to watch something subtitled. I dig Franka Potente, though her co-star was kind of annoying - I think it's his distractingly large lips.

Slept in this morning and went to the second service. 'Twas quite odd, not being there at daybreak, for once. Went to Crispers afterwards, where I had one of their flatbreads. I was pleasantly surprised - lots of Parmesan or Asiago on the crust that melted and browned and got all crunchity. You should try one.

And in case you weren't aware, the leaving of marshmallows in a car in Florida doesn't end well for the marshmallows.

I was reminded today that we're going to a wedding this weekend. I'm helping out with the flowers, which means I need to pack exceptionally sketchy-looking stuff like floral wire and hot glue sticks. Maybe I should just FedEx them ahead and circumvent the TSA altogether...


I promise to post something of more substance later. But I need to do more reading and less writing.

Wine Recap

Right. So. My slothdom has reached an apex. Didn't actually pull my bones out of bed until 1230p today. Shameful! Why do I feel so guilty about being so lazy? It's summer - I have every right to sleep in like a teenager or laze around the house all day in play clothes. But it's summer - I should be out doing the things for which I have no time during the school year. Hmmm - maybe next week!


Anyhow, we had a lovely wine-tasting party Wednesday (er, Wines-day) night. Started with an Ecco Domani Pinot Grigio, which is so light that it would be perfect to chill down so it's almost icy and sip poolside. Next one was Dancing Bull Sauvignon Blanc. Fruity, pleasant enough to drink; tasty alongside fruit (peaches are so delightful right now!) and 70% cacao dark chocolate. Followed by my standby white, Lindemans Bin 65 Chardonnay. It's not oaky, so the fruit and lactic notes get to shine. It makes excellent fondue(1). Next was my second contribution, a Washington Hills Gewurztraminer. Less dry than I prefer, but boldly flavorful, which made up for the residual sweetness. A crowd favorite. Next came a Riesling two-fer - first a Schmitt Sohne, followed by Polka Dot. Not much distinction between the two, in my opinion. The Polka Dot has a cuter label. It would have been nice to have had a vertical Riesling tasting - a kabinett, spatlese, auslese, even a trockenbeerenauslese if we could find one. Next Wines-day, maybe! We wrapped things up with a local wine - Lakeridge Southern White. Florida can't sustain vitis vinifera grapes, so wines here are made from other fruits or muscadines. I don't know, I just can't abide muscadine wine. It has an exceptionally nutty aroma that is rather off-putting. The crowd liked the sweetness, though. But hey, muscadines are lousy with resveratrol, which may be beneficial.


(1)
Jen's Swiss Fondue
Good as an appetizer, better as dinner!

3/4 c. dry white wine - I like Lindeman's Chardonnay
8 oz. Gruyere, shredded
8 oz. Emmentaler, shredded
2 T. flour
garlic
nutmeg

In a medium saucepan, simmer wine and some minced garlic. Add cheese, handful-by-handful, stirring until cheese melts. If the cheese and wine do not mix harmoniously at this point, don't fret. Stir in flour and all will be well. Add a little freshly grated nutmeg. Serve with crusty multigrain bread cubes and thinly sliced apples.

Trust me on the apples. apples + cheese = :-9

Cake cake cake

Apparently, all I do now is cook. Not that I'm complaining. It's great to have the time.

Happy birthday to Marlena, who provided a lovely excuse to make this:
I really love working with fondant - it's so much more elegant than buttercream, but sadly doesn't taste as good as buttercream. The top layer is my new favorite cake combination: Toasted Coconut Cake with Pineapple Filling - tastes like pina colada. Super super super good. The bottom tier is my now-second-favorite cake combination: chocolate cake with raspberry filling.

Will report on the wine tasting later.

In the Kitchen with Jen

Kitchenaid Custom Metallics Brushed Nickel. Due to arrive 7 August. :) :) :)



Today's In-The-Kitchen Playlist:

Crossing Muddy Waters, John Hiatt
Why Georgia, John Mayer
Lakini's Juice, Live
You Look So Fine, Garbage
Oh Father, Madonna
Back 2 Good, Matchbox Twenty
Fade Into You, Mazzy Star
Gentleman Who Fell, Milla Jovovich
This Year's Love, David Grey
One Night in Bangkok, Murray Head
99 Red Balloons, Nena
Pink Moon, Nick Drake
The Rhythm of the Saints, Paul Simon (all tracks)

It's definitely a overcast-sky-day playlist.

Coconut cake is in the oven.

I haven't made these in a long time. The flavor combo of butterscotch and semisweet chips is one of my favorites. (the shopping good fortune continues - picked up a bag of chocolate chips at Publix that was marked on clearance for half-price. It didn't ring up at 50%, so they gave it to me for free! Free sweets - even better.)

Chow Mein Noodle Drops

1 part butterscotch chips
1 part semisweet chocolate chips
1.5 parts mini marshmallows
1.5 parts chow mein noodles

Over low heat, melt butterscotch and chocolate chips. When smooth, add marshmallows and remove from heat. Stir to coat and soften the marshmallows slightly, then toss in noodles. Stir to coat. Drop into mounds on a wax paper-covered baking sheet. Let cool. Or don't!



Back to the kitchen. There's fondant to roll.

Ah, Monday

Had a day of ups and downs. All's well that ends well:

Woke up late, after staying up late. At least I get to sleep in, as opposed to the up-late/awake-early pattern I was running during the school year. Still, it just seems so undisciplined. :-|

Anyhow, I got myself ready for the day and headed out to my cake-supply shop. Bought some new food color, some clear vanilla, and some fillings for a birthday cake. It was *pouring* outside, so instead of paying for my purchases and just standing at the door and waiting for the rain to abate, I wandered the shop. There was a couple in there, and I swear they were following me. I'd walk down an aisle and they'd come by and look at something nearby. I'd saunter over a few aisles, next thing I know, they're all up in my business. Repeat at least five more times. Back off. People I know can invade my space, but not strangers in a 1500-square-foot building. :-\

Anyhow, the shop didn't have the fondant cutters I wanted, but I knew there was a Michaels nearby that would. I chose the wrong direction, but came across a new wine shop a few blocks away. A couple friends and I are throwing a wine tasting party (theme: whites for novice wine-drinkers) on Wednesday - another friend was kind enough to have been born 25 years ago this Wednesday, so we're taking advantage of it as an excuse. Her birthday cake was the reason I needed to go to the cake supply. Anyhow, I figured this wine shop was worth a look, so I dashed in through the deluge. Wow! This place is off the hook! Great domestic, French, Italian, and Australian selections. A wide variety of varietals (ha) from all over the globe. The choices were overwhelming, really. I headed first for the Chardonnay aisle. I had one in mind that's a versatile everyday wine (Lindemans Bin 65 Chardonnay - no oak, good fruit, better with food than most chardonnay). I normally find it for $7-8 or so, but their price is $4.79. This is a good sign. Anyhow, I picked up a Gewurztraminer for the party (2005 Washington Hills, though a Jekel with a Monterey appellation was tempting) We're heavy on the reds here at home, so I picked up a Moscato for us, along with a French white - 2006 Bougrier "V" Vouvray (Chenin Blanc grapes - Loire Valley) that was recommended by one of the staff. The plan was to drink it at dinner, but I got distracted when I returned home and neglected to chill it... :-) :-)

I have been anticipating making a bread recipe(1) for days, so I threw the ingredients into my machine before leaving for the cake shop and was looking forward to having some for lunch with some cheese and pickles. Well. I returned home to a rather acrid smell coming from the kitchen, not the heavenly aroma of a gassy yeast dance party. I opened the hatch of the machine and found a lumpy, unmixed brick of crap. All my ingredients were layered as I had left them, but they'd been baked in place. Not pretty. Grrr. I figured I'd not snapped the baking pan in place and the drive shaft just hadn't engaged the little stirring thingy in the pan. So, I dumped out the brick o' crap and filled the pan with fresh ingredients. Turned on the machine, and it crabbed at me because the temperature is too warm for the start of a new cycle. So I went into the bathroom and snarfed my hair dryer. I blasted the inside of my machine with a stream of cool air for 5 minutes and gave it another go. The cycle started that time, and I was pleased. This pleasure would be short-lived. The machine began whirring like it's stirring up the ingredients. Just... there's no stirring. So I reached in and removed the pan. Nothing was turning. :-/ I fiddled with it, to no avail. So I dug out the manual, no info, but there's a phone number. And a 12-month warranty. I bought the thing 14 months ago. Naturally. So I'm a bit peevish at this point, but, I called them up anyhow, and the very nice lady at the other end of the customer service line informed me that the warranty is extended to 15 months! Sweet! So she e-mailed me a label so I can send it back; oh, and they don't actually carry the same model, so they'll be replacing mine with a newer, better-featured model. :-) :-) :-)

At Publix, I noticed that they had Tri-Tip steaks. What! I hadn't seen those since we left CA. I mentioned this to the butcher and asked him how long they'd been carrying them. He says they've had them since the store opened. Hm. Apparently I don't shop for steak very often. :-) :-)

I made dinner and a couple cake layers. When I pulled my eggs from the refrigerator, I was happy that I had the exact number of eggs for both tiers. Upon closer examination, I realized two of them were cracked. Grrr. So I was not as productive on the cake as I would have liked. Oh well, I'll bake tomorrow. :-|

I put away some laundry and noticed that during some step in the laundering process, a pair of shorts had been ripped. Now, I loathe shorts, so to find a pair that fits is a happy accident. And now they're ruined. :-(

After that unfortunate discovery, I sat down with my computer and read through some posts on a cake-decorating web site I love. I stumbled across a forum post informing everyone of a killer sale on Kitchenaid mixers. A $530 mixer for $150! I have half that in birthday monies, so I think I'm going to finally get myself one! I just can't pass up this deal. Two years ago, I couldn't decide between an iPod or a Kitchenaid, and I opted for the iPod. Since my car has an input jack and I use my iPod in my classroom and car all the time, the iPod was a great choice; now I may finally get my stand mixer, too. Wheeee! :-) :-)


How sweet is this piece of gadgetry? I don't know how often I'd use it, but I totally want one. Maybe the Kitchenaid first.


(1)
I hope this doesn't take you three tries and a warranty repair:
Bushman Bread

1 1/4 c. warm water
2 c. bread flour
1 3/4 c. whole wheat flour
1 T. cocoa
2 t. sugar
1 t. salt
2 T. melted butter
1/4 c. honey
2 T. molasses
2 1/2 t. fresh yeast

Add water to bread machine pan, followed by ingredients in order listed. Bake on a cycle for whole wheat loaves. Mix in a little caramel color or dark brown gel food color for a deep brown bread, if you like.

The Confessor Confesses

French Toast. Different Context.

Well, after yesterday's attention-deficit post, I promise this will be more focused...

If overprocessed white bread and plastic cheese are good - then more is better! I bought the "Texas Toast" thick-sliced bread and good ol' American slices and had a fantastic sandwich yesterday. So now I have a (loaf - 2 slices) of bread, so I decided to make French toast. I don't overwhelmingly love French toast - in the Breakfast Trifecta, waffles and pancakes always beat French toast by several points. The crust edges are serviceable, but the middle is almost always soggy. So, I figured thicker bread would make for tastier toast, and I was pleased.

Jen's French Toast (Cooks Illustrated recipe)
1 egg, beaten
3/4 c. milk
2 T. butter, melted
2 t. vanilla
2 T. sugar
1/4 t. salt
1/4 c. flour

Whisk together egg, milk, melted butter, and vanilla. Whisk in sugar, salt, and flour. Pour into shallow dish. Heat a pan over medium heat for at least 5 minutes - longer is better. Add some butter to the pan. Soak both sides of bread in egg mixture, then place in pan. Brown on both sides.

Hints and notes: I didn't have enough milk, so I used half milk and half cream. I mistakenly used double-strength vanilla, but I usually over-vanilla everything anyhow. Make sure the butter is thoroughly combined into the wet ingredients, or else your flour will clump to it. I was relatively quick with the batter-soaking. If you like the "custardiness" (read: soggy!) more, fine, but you still don't want the bread oversaturated.

Summer fruit is the best thing about summer, so I scattered fresh peach slices and blueberries on top and coated it all with a dusting of confectioners sugar. Not bad.

I would actually like to try a savory variety with a slice of French toast (minus the vanilla and sugar), topped with ham and Gruyere - maybe a schmear of raspberry jam, like an open face Monte Cristo, maybe?



Okay, one digression. But it's still food - so it's tangentially related. I've been making every excuse to use up leftover fondant, so here's a marbled-fondant cake that I made for our anniversary earlier this week. Inside: vanilla cake, dark chocolate ganache filling, irish cream buttercream.

You know, as much as I say I'm trying to use up my fondant, it's fun stuff to have around. I'm making a friend's birthday cake this week, and I can't wait!

Even More Miscellany

This is bad. I've been procrastinating and generally undermotivated for the past week or so. I'm talking set-the-alarm-for-nine-AM-and-still-smack-snooze- for-an-hour brand of unmotivation. Well, I can write it off to summer, right? I don't get the luxury of laziness the other nine months of the year. I did get my laboratory balance bench (and all the balances) clean today, so I don't feel too badly about it all.

Today's On-The-Go Playlist (or What I Sang Along With While I Cleaned My Lab):
Under African Skies, Paul Simon
Into the Night, Benny Mardones
Anything Genuine, Smalltown Poets
The Way, Telecast
Jesse's Girl, Rick Springfield
Creep, Radiohead
Window, Guster
King of New Orleans, Better Than Ezra
Lackluster, Poi Dog Pondering
Uninvited, Alanis Morrissette
Here's Where the Story Ends, The Sundays
Cry on My Shoulder, Overflow
No One is to Blame, Howard Jones
When You're Falling, Afro Celt Sound System
And So It Goes, Billy Joel
Under the Milky Way, The Church
Hang Me Up to Dry, Cold War Kids
Don't Drink the Water, Dave Matthews
Bang Bang, David Sanborn
Allison Road, Gin Blossoms
Sexy Back, Justin Timberlake (1)
Fast Love, George Michael
Maneater, Nelly Furtado (2)
Ruby, Kaiser Chiefs
Too Much, Leeland
Don't Look Back in Anger, Oasis
All This Time, Sting
Old Friends, Simon & Garfunkel
1000 Julys, Third Eye Blind
Stay - Far Away So Close, U2
Time of the Season, The Zombies
Key West Intermezzo, John Mellencamp
Synchronicity II, The Police

(1) I don't respect myself for this; I don't expect you to, either.
(2) I'm a bit disturbed that I own this, mostly because Ms. Furtado belongs to a group of female singers that make my ears bleed (also: Paula Cole and Shakira). But this song is different. It's a fantastic tango. Maybe that's its redeeming factor.


Just so you know, the quality of a soft drink is directly proportional to the quality of the ice floating in it. Tijuana Flats serves some of the best soda in the world simply because they put crushed ice in it, not cubes. And slushy = good. The miniature golf establishment where I worked throughout high school and college had awesome Dr. Pepper, partly because the syrup-to-water ratio was relatively high, but mostly because the ice was killer. It had a peculiar temperature cycle and would occasionally produce very icy ice, but then, about twenty minutes later, it would spit out fresh, soft, wet ice that I don't even know how to describe. They weren't exactly cubes. Not exactly pellets, either. Anyhow, most times, the drink was just a vehicle for the ice. I wasn't above just eating cups of ice straight up, either - maybe it was my burgeoning ice connoisseurship, maybe it was a symptom of the anemia I had for years. (shrug) I never cared for fizzy drinks as a child - they were like an assault on the tongue. I guess when I think about it, I have an unconventional food history - I never ate typical American kid food - I only discovered the joys of mac & cheese within the past five years, I can count on one hand the number of peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches I've consumed (okay, I can count on one finger the number I've even tasted. I only like peanut butter in cookies. Friends loved going trick-or-treating with me because they got all my Reese's cups. That's all right - banana taffy was totally a fair trade.). So I never really drank soda pop until I took that job, but it was free for the drinking as long as you were judicious with your cup usage (I brought my own - nerd. I had two I used all the time, they're in the picture over there - bigger nerd. That picture is from the auction I just bid on - biggest nerd ever!). I hear that glorious ice machine has since been replaced. Ah, one can never truly go home.

What a digressive paragraph! At least it started and finished with ice. :)


I'm learning how to do latte art; I'm amazed by this stuff. And this. I'll be excited when I can just do a simple rosetta. It seems pretty easy, watching the training videos, but I practiced some tonight. It's clearly one of those skills that the people who are good at it, well, they just make it look maddeningly effortless. Figure skating is another one of those things. Anyhow, the texture of the milk is crucial - it has to be. Because I think my milk is sadly a bit too foamy. If you watch people do it, it seems like the bright white foam is still fairly fluid. Mine tonight was *fantastic* for cappuccinos - I was constantly slurping foam, one bad attempt after another (wasn't gonna waste it...), but I never got anything remotely close to latte art. So it's gonna take far more practice, but I think figuring out the right milk texture is what makes or breaks it all. I also think I might pour too fast? Or maybe too slow. I don't know. I'm working the coffee bar on Sunday, so I'll have plenty of time to practice, though I wonder how our to-go cups are going to affect it.


We've had two days of awesome lightning - really electrified storms with really close strokes. I was going to write about the Turkey Lake Convergence Zone, but now I'm not feeling it. Remind me - some other time.

The alacrity by which our house is being constructed is almost alarming. We had the framing inspection last Friday, and by the end of work today, they've finished nearly all the drywall and the exterior stucco. If things keep at this pace, we'll be closing well before the projected late-October date.

Even though I give little credence to wine rankings and ratings, I love that Two-Buck Chuck just won this big wine competition. Let it be known that I would probably be willing to compromise my ethics to bring a Trader Joe's to central Florida. Let me know what it'll take, guys.

In a bit of an Iron Chef moment, I decided I should use up some pie crust in my freezer and a can of pumpkin in my pantry. So I made a pumpkin pie last night, which also gave me the excuse to use some of my new Ceylon cinnamon and whole nutmeg. Brian thinks pumpkin pie is akin to barf, which means I have a whole pie to myself! I'll own up to my gluttony when it comes to desserts. Also, I haven't had a grilled cheese sandwich in a long time. I think I'm going to go get some cottony white bread and plastic American cheese slices tomorrow before lunch. Mmmm...

Yes, I do realize that in one paragraph, I managed to extol the virtues of both fancypants spices and Kraft singles. Deal with it. :)

Invisible Degree!

I think, if I were ever to go back to school for a doctoral degree, I would pursue research in internet behavior and phenomena.

If professors can teach courses on The Beatles or The Simpsons, then we're not far from making pretty much anything an academic pursuit. The internet meme would be fascinating research material. I'm of the All Your Base and the Hampster (sic) Dance generation; I was late to the party on the LOLcats (which, by the way, never get old!), but I've made up time in the air. Those I get, mostly. But some are just inexplicable. Like, what began the recent obsession with Chuck Norris? A few months ago, a student made an offhand reference to Chuck Norris, which I thought odd, so I asked her, "you mean, Chuck 'Walker, Texas Ranger' Norris?" (to which she responded affirmatively). I just shrugged it off as delightfully obscure - as she has that tendency; I learned later that Chuck Norris is big on teh internets. Who knew?

Anyhow, the generation and propagation of popular internet culture would be fascinating research. Something like this, really. Google even provides access to some data for analysis.

Honestly, though, I'd just like to understand the pure psychology of why, specifically, pictures of cats with text overlaid can be so funny. Of course, once Time publishes an article about it, one wonders whether it's jumped the shark.

I Scream, You Scream...

Allrighty then. Chalk a point up for me in the portent column. We used to have a coffee shop a half-block from our house, but it abruptly closed a few months ago. This weekend, I thought, "How awesome it would be if an ice cream parlor took its place?" - because we have no nearby ice cream outlets. Well, there's a Cold Stone 3 miles away, which is good, but sometimes you just don't want all that or to spend that much. Anyhow, this morning, I walked out of Publix to see a construction crew installing a sign that reads "Hershey's Ice Cream" in place of the old coffee shop sign! Woo hoo! Too bad we're moving in a couple months. Well, good for the waistline.

Hm. The website claims they are not affiliated with Hershey's chocolate. That must be troublesome for them. Because they use the same font (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) and capital letters as Hershey's Chocolate. What's going on here?

Well, trademark infringement aside, I'm down with their flavors. Coffee, check. Banana, check. Mint Chip (that is green - a requirement), check. But hello - what's this!? Blue Moon?? [Okay, is there anything that *isn't* on wikipedia??] Oh, if it is anything like the Blue Moon I know and love, this is gonna get dangerous.

Blue Moon ice cream is apparently not exclusive to Bonnie Doon Ice Cream, Mishawaka, IN. I guess it's an upper-Midwest thing. Oh gosh, could this really be the same Froot-Loops-cheesecake-buttercream flavor of my youth... literally in my neighborhood? *swoon*

17 July 1999

The last picture was actually taken a few weeks before our wedding. A gigantic thunderstorm passed through just before the ceremony, effectively ruining any chances at outdoor portraits.

My husband disagrees, but I wish we had the chance to have more weddings. Because I have so many more ideas for dresses, cakes, photographs, invitations, etc that never got used. Making others' cakes and bouquets is only so much vicarious wedding planning.

Trivia: Rory Kennedy (the daughter her father Robert F. Kennedy never knew) was supposed to get married on the same day we did. JFK Jr and his wife and sister-in-law were killed on their way to her wedding. About six months later, we few from Newark to Los Angeles with her. I'll tell the rest of that story later.

Weekend Food Recap

Apparently, all I do here now is post pictures. Here's my attempt to rectify that. Somewhat.

So this weekend, I made some tasty food. I had book club on Saturday morning, which means brunch! Fresh Blueberry French Toast Casserole, Egg Scramble with Chives, Fresh Strawberry Salsa (strawberries, peppers, and onions - no tomatoes) with Homemade Tortilla Chips, and some caramelized bananas.

I've ruined myself with fresh tortilla chips. I just can't tolerate Tostitos now. The Whole Foods in Monterey (an Albertson's, too) sold some local brand of tortilla chips that were awesome - they came in thin and thick varieties, and they were definitely fresh - the thick ones were very much like what you'd make at home, frying up your own corn tortillas, but without all the oil. Our (Cost Plus) World Market used to sell some reasonably good ones - very thin, the kind you'd get at a Mexican restaurant, but I don't get over that way as much as I should. Once they stopped selling their super-fabulous margarita mix, I quit frequenting them as much. Anyhow, I ordinarily use canola oil when making fresh chips, but I decided to go with corn oil for this latest escapade. I kept my oil around 300 degF, and some of my chips turned out a bit brown, but at least I didn't have any greasy ones. I may try peanut oil next time.

Anyhow, then Saturday night, we met for our monthly supper club. This month's theme was Spicy Food, which Mr. Jenspin was not too keen on. But spicy doesn't necessarily equal hot, and there was plenty of food that wasn't fiery. A wonderful spicy potato dish that reminds me of a cauliflower and potato szabzi recipe I haven't made in a while, and also of potatoes I've had in tapas bars - I should have asked for the recipe, and I don't know who made it. Anyhow, I made truffles, rolled in ground red chile. Dark chocolate and pepper make a nice combination. A little chile powder in hot cocoa gives it a kick without tasting like chili; a little cocoa in your chili recipe gives it a deeper flavor.

Truffle ganache centers are exceptionally easy:

12 oz. dark chocolate (I prefer Ghirardelli 60% cacao baking chips - they have a fruity note that I like)
1/3 c. heavy cream

In a double-boiler (or just a metal bowl above a simmering pan of water), melt chocolate. Remove from heat and stir in cream. Blend until smooth. Allow the chocolate to firm up - an hour in the refrigerator or so - and roll into balls. Yes, your hands will be covered in melty chocolate. This is not a bad thing. Roll balls in cocoa powder, coconut, powdered sugar, red chile powder, cinnamon, sprinkles, anything - or dip into tempered melted chocolate.

More cream gives you a softer ganache, one you can use for filling cakes.

What am I going to do with all my leftover french toast? I have half a 9x13 pan, still. Hm. Breakfast for dinner, perhaps!

Cloudspotting

We had a good cloud week this week. A nice backlit storm on Tuesday gave a really spectacular iridescent pileus cloud.

And then we had some attractive mammatusy clouds tonight at sundown, after a (allegedly tornadic) storm passed through.

The Confessor Confesses

Admittedly ripped from a Postsecret card posted a couple months ago. But I totally do the same thing.

It's a bit of a problem, given how close we live to the airport...

Our Next Vacation

Maho Beach, St. Maarten
Princess Juliana Airport (SXM)

So many kinds of awesome.

Choco-revolution. NOW!

If Americans knew just how craptastic their "everyday" chocolate is, there would be outrage. Uprising in the streets. I mean, one trip to Canada (or a grocery store that carries imported candy bars from Britain) is all it takes.

Why do American palates tolerate such astonishing and flagrant mediocrity in their chocolate bars? The answer, of course, is that our palates don't know any better. But! The tide may be turning. Varietal chocolates and cacao-by-percentage chocolates are showing up in mainstream stores - yay! - but they (and Ghirardelli and Cadbury, and similar "premium" brands) need to be placed in the checkout aisles, not relegated to some aisle in the middle of the store. And then maybe one day, they'll nudge out the other assorted dreck. Or at least force the mega-manufacturers to improve the quality. The increasing consumer awareness of chocolate quality is promising, but there's still a long way to go.

Desiderata

Today's dictionary.com word-of-the-day is desideratum - something desired or considered necessary.

When I saw the subject line, my brain's knee-jerk reaction was to chant "go placidly amid the noise and haste..." Why? At the beginning of our sixth grade year, our teacher made us memorize the poem Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

As a gangly sixth grader, I know I didn't appreciate the words I was mindlessly cramming into my brain for memorization's sake. (I also don't remember it being so long!) It's a little earthy-crunchy-peace-love-and-granola and a lot Life's-Little Instruction-Book (or commencement address), but there is value in its stanzas.

In our noisy world, where everything screams for attention, there is much peace to be found in silence. It's a lesson often learned through experience.

If you compare yourself with others, you will become vain and bitter.

I like the passage about love. I have much to write on the subject of love, and I keep putting it off.

True - many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. How many fears center on loneliness? How many of them evaporate when loneliness abates? Few things seem as scary in the morning as they do before rest.

The universe is unfolding as it should, yes, and I think many of our frustrations arise when we forget we are living in tomorrow's history and it will all make sense one day. Perspective changes much.

Well, it's not a fantastically brilliant poem, but it was fun to reflect on it again after 10 15 so many years.

Chef Jen

The combination of fruit and meat is exceptionally tasty. It's not a pairing one considers often, but one should - because fruit and meat marry surprisingly well. So, here's a recipe I really love and highly recommend, adapted from a recipe in Cooking Light magazine, July 1999:

Curried Chicken with Plums

2 T. flour
1 t. curry powder (I usually kick it up a notch)
1 t. poultry seasoning (or just substitute more curry powder)
1/4 t. salt
1/4 t. black pepper

6 skinless, boneless chicken thighs, cut into 3 pieces each

4 green onions, cut into 1-inch pieces
4 red plums, quartered
3/4 c. dry white wine, divided
2 T. minced crystallized ginger (optional)

In a plastic bag, combine the first five ingredients (flour through pepper). Add chicken pieces and shake to coat.

Heat a tablespoon of vegetable oil in a skillet over medium heat. Add chicken and brown, about 3-4 minutes on each side. Remove chicken from pan and keep warm.

Add onions to pan, saute 2 minutes, remove from pan and add to chicken.

Add plums and 1/4 c. wine to pan. Scrape up browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Brown plums lightly on cut sides, about 3-4 minutes. The skins may loosen and come off the plums, but that's okay.

Add remaining 1/2 c. wine and ginger to pan; bring to a boil. Add chicken and onions; return to boil. Reduce heat and simmer until chicken is done, about 5 minutes.

Serve with basmati rice!

VolcanoCam

The Pu'u 'O'o crater of Kilauea volcano is currently host to a lava lake. The webcam shows some really sweet images at night (subtract 6h from EDT to get local time), since there hasn't been much fume in the way lately.

The best images are before noon EDT, specifically 1100a - 1200n EDT, when you can see the geography *and* the glow of the lava.

My FlightMemory

My Latest Internet Addiction.

I don't have all my flights in there yet, even, and it appears I've already spent the better part of a month of my life in the air.

I know I'm missing at least three Christmases worth of flying, at least two Thanksgivings, a holiday weekend, and two weddings (all in Indiana, and all from the West Coast). Also, two trips toLos Angeles in my youth, one to New Orleans, and one to Phoenix. But I've input all I can stand this weekend (213 flights! :-D).

Of course, this isn't half as bad as my husband who has taken far more mileage runs and business trips than I have.

Like that disclaimer makes my flight habits look any healthier...


Oh yeah - the Boeing 787 Dreamliner was unveiled today. Sucks to be Airbus. Boeing's gonna make a killing on light fuel-efficient aircraft, over their gamble on a super-jumbo.

Wonder Years Wisdom

The Wonder Years is one of the most brilliant television shows in the history of the medium. Sure, it was heavy on the nostalgia, but that's part of the timeless appeal of the show. (DVD set NOW, people!) I watched the show as it aired, but now that reruns are on again, I have a greater appreciation; the writing so purely captures the agony and the ecstasy of growing up... and looking back on growing up. Teaching teenagers, I find myself constantly reflecting on my own Wonder Years, as they were. So, in what I presume will be an ongoing series (I have a whole .txt file full of quotations on which to prattle!), I shall now expound on a few particularly resonant lines from Wonder Years episodes.

"Maybe if I'd been a little braver, I could have been her friend, but... The truth is, in seventh-grade, who you are is what other seventh-graders say you are. The funny thing is, it's hard to remember the names of the kids you spent so much time trying to impress." Season 2 (Episode 21): "Square Dance"

Truth is, we never fully escape this junior-high mentality. We like to think, as adults, that we're far beyond such childishness. We aren't. Sure, it's less urgent, less consuming, but we still try to impress people (who are themselves preoccupied with impressing someone else), and we are still defined by the people who surround us. I know I have been. And I'm not immune - I've thought plenty about others because of the company they keep. It's ridiculous, but yet it's so easy.

Shakespeare was right - all the world's a stage. We all play certain roles. We deliver performances that we presume others expect of us. Some of us are perpetual understudies. And some of us put so much time and energy into the performance that we lose our offstage identities. The costumes stay on after the curtain falls. The critics' approval is everything. We let others develop our characters, and then we play to the crowd. We become hollow and reactionary, addressing situations as we think our character should, or even taking a seat in the house and detachedly watching scenes unfold.

Some of us never figure out the deception and live unsatisfying lives of judgment of and by others. Some of us eventually figure it out, though, and realize that the people from whom we so very much want approval don't truly deserve the power we willfully hand over to them. [And often, they're oblivious to their effects on us.] It's lifeboat theory(1) - if life is like a lifeboat, then aligning yourself with the right people so as not to be thrown overboard is of critical importance. And yet absolutely wasteful. I was well into my twenties before I appreciated how truly useless and endlessly tiring this way of life is; I was nearly thirty before I allowed this understanding to permeate my daily life. And I still lapse into worry about what others think of me - and when I do, I'm miserable. How different would our teenage years - no, our entire lives - be, if we spent less time trading in the commodity of human approval?

"A suburban junior high school cafeteria is like a microcosm of the world. The goal is to protect yourself, and safety comes in groups. You have your cool kids, you have your smart kids, you have your greasers, and in those days, of course, you had your hippies. In fact in junior high school, who you are is defined less by who you are than by who's the person sitting next to you." Season 1 (Episode 1): "Pilot"

Attempting to develop our own personalities, we try them on to see which one fits. And the source of those personalities are the friends we select. So of course we are defined by those sitting next to us - that is, in fact, how we choose to define ourselves. It's scary to look inside and critically examine ourselves - is it not easier to let someone else decide who we are? So we let them. We essentially live some other life for a time. At some point, we decide that one is too much work to maintain - it's not a natural fit, it pinches in places and it gaps in others, the seams chafe, the clothes that seemed so attractive on the hanger aren't as flattering when on. We shed it and move on to the next version of ourselves. Lather, rinse, and repeat. It becomes an endless cycle; we model others who are, themselves, trying on their own array of personalities - even trying on our version of themselves. Like a mirror reflecting another mirror's image, things get turned around. Few teenagers really know who they are, the rest are lost - disoriented in an endless contorted maze of funhouse reflections of personality. Eventually we outgrow it, but when we do, to whom have we granted ultimate permission to define us?

In this constant flux of youthful identity, should it surprise us that friends come and go with alarming alacrity at this time in our lives? I see it every school year - best friends in November don't even acknowledge each other in April. Some of my closest friends one year? I never saw them the next. My friends were determined by class schedules and activity choices. [Maybe they still are.] A few of them transcend it all - sinking deeper, below the wind waves of adolescence and carried by the same tide. We might not have washed ashore on the same beach, but we are still tethered together. Some by thinner threads than others, but connected nevertheless.

"Over the course of the average lifetime you meet a lot of people. Some of them stick with you through thick and thin. Some weave their way through your life and disappear forever. But once in a while someone comes along who earns a permanent place in your heart." Season 4 (Episode 60): "Courage"

It's Friday?

I love how days just blur into one another on vacation. I had no idea it was Friday until I had the pressure of titling this post (was going to do something lame like "XXXday's Thoughts), and I had to stop and think about it.

Anyhow...


NYTimes: Airline Math.

Only one-third of the traveling public makes connections? That's really surprising. That can't be right. In this day and age of the hub-and-spoke airlines, I would have figured many many more people would still be making connections. I admit my husband and I are far from the norm when it comes to flying behavior, but I would have bet money that direct flights were the exception, not the rule. Or at least 50%. We fly Continental, and we don't live in a hub, so it's a foregone conclusion that we'll connect. I guess the low-cost carriers without megahubs (and, thus, more direct flights) are making more advances than I gave them credit. Still, I'd like to know how the consulting firm arrived at their statistics. Did they analyze itineraries, or did they look at passenger info per flight to see how many passengers on a given plane were connecting on?



Going to a concert tonight. I don't know one thing about the guy, but our friends are the opening act.

Oh wait. I do recognize one of his songs. Cool.