Weight

Several of my blogging friends have mentioned the weight of life lately, so I'll throw my thoughts into the mix.

This year has been... heavy, overwhelmingly so, for a number of reasons. I've lost my study hall, which means I've lost my second prep period, something I was promised when I interviewed three years ago. So I'm teaching six classes, five preps. (teaching colleagues everywhere gasp) Actually, when you factor in my once-a-week club preparation and my student lab assistants, I suppose you could say I have seven. At least I'm not working weekends any more... Anyhow, I'm nearly a month behind on grading - what with our new house, plus a bunch of responsibilities heaped on me the past couple of weeks. This year's theme is "suck it up," and I'm trying very hard to shoulder everything, but the cracks are beginning to show.

I'm annoyed that I'm being robbed of the joy of a new house: figuring out where everything belongs, rearranging furniture, hanging pictures, painting, meeting the neighbors. Instead, I get all the annoyances: the long search for something I need that could be in any given box in any given room, the inability to find something my husband has unpacked. I feel like a visitor in my house, rather than that sense of ownership that comes with organizing one's things in a new space.

I'm annoyed that this is my fourth year teaching high school, and it feels like my first again.

I'm annoyed that the very thing that keeps me teaching (and not chucking it all and going back to industry) is slipping through the cracks right now: the personal connections with students and my investment in their lives. This greatly troubles me.

I'm annoyed that the weight is beginning to manifest itself physically. I feel just-on-the-edge of a potential sore throat, and I'm supremely lucky that I haven't been taken down by some virus; I'm totally ripe for it, what with my lack of sleep. My shoulders are so tight, it's going to take weeks to unclench. I've been noticing my heart doing that little skip-a-beat thing it does when I'm under pressure.


This is not good.


This weekend will be filled with grading, but the mountain is steep. Of course, I'm not making any progress at this moment... Oh, who am I kidding? I'll be up past midnight regardless. May as well write on the internet for a bit.


All right, then. Back to work.