18 November 2007

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All right, what is going on here?

I spent an evening this week on and around a large university campus. And again, as my weekend at Purdue last month inspired, I felt this relentless and inexorable pull towards college.

What do I do with this? Do I write it off as reminiscent of past times and move on with my life? Is it a product of my interactions with college-bound seniors? Do I indulge it and seriously consider going back to school full-time? And even if I did, what would I study? Beyond that, what is my end-game? This has provided a lot of material for my favorite game of "What If..."

I can't be a professional student - I have to have a reason. I know I do not want an education degree. Not that I wouldn't want to continue working in education, I just have zero - nay, negative - desire to take any more education courses. Would I eventually want to teach in college? Some of my students and colleagues would say yes. But I'm not so sure. Like a quotation previously posted, I really think my job as a teacher of teenagers is to get inside their lives and help shape them. Would I have these opportunities as a professor? Maybe. They'd definitely be different. I have a lot of liberties in terms of creativity and a wide variety of disciplines; I think I would lose these at a university, where I would be hyper-specialized. Do I take an evening class here or there? As if I even have time for that. But maybe it would get it out of my system!


Food science? Art history? Pharmacy? Chemistry? A PhD? Another Masters?

I am officially too old to be having a quarter-life crisis.

Hm. You know, that was just a flippant comment, but after reading one selection from that link, I now have to wonder. The frustration with a lack of feedback and progress indicators does hit a little closely...
Furthermore, a factor contributing to quarter-life crisis may be the difficulty in adapting to a workplace environment. In college, professors' expectations are clearly given and students receive frequent feedback on their performance in their courses. One progresses from year to year in the education system. In contrast, within a workplace environment, one may be, for some time, completely unaware of a boss's displeasure with one's performance, or of one's colleagues' dislike of one's personality. One does not automatically make progress. Office politics require interpersonal skills that are largely unnecessary for success in an educational setting. Emerging adults eventually learn these social skills, but this process – sometimes compared to learning another language – is often highly stressful.
No. I refuse to be the stuff of John Mayer songs or Broadway musicals. I just won't have it! I'm eight years out of college. I'm gainfully employed. I'm not questioning what I want to do with my life (well, okay, it does kind of sound that way...). It's not a restlessness, I don't think. I do have a significant sense of purpose - more so than I have ever had. Nor do I lack opportunity for self-directed learning - that is precisely what teaching provides, I'm just not the one writing the lab reports. Well, my term papers and lab reports are now just the prompts and the lab directions I write. I could psycho-diagnose this all night if I wanted to. And I don't. I just want to know what to do about this ceaseless flirtation by large research universities. Anyone?

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